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You may have seen the "Shit Girls Say" video and the multiple parodies in the format of "S*** [group] says to [other group]" lately. (Some favorites of mine have been "Shit White Girls Say...to Black Girls" and "Stuff Cis People Say To Trans People.") I've been hoping to make a collaborative "S*** Sexual People Say (to Asexual People)" video, but this gal scooped me (heh):
Shit Sexual People Say to Aces
Hers is great and I really enjoyed it! But I still wanna do a collab, because I think having a bunch of faces and a bunch of perspectives makes it more visually interesting and fun to watch than any video I could do alone. So here, I'm putting out a call for submissions. I've noticed that it's a more constructive teaching tool if we mostly focus on stuff sexual people say when they're TRYING to be supportive but just don't realize they're saying something unhelpful or ignorant, with maybe a few of the more annoying/more prevalent "bingo" squares thrown in for good measure.
So I'm going to make a "Shit Sexual People Say (to Asexual People)" and release it on my channel (which has well over a thousand subscribers interested in seeing ace stuff!), and if you want to contribute, here's how:
1. Record yourself saying things sexual people say to you. (Please use the videos above for reference if you want to understand the format.)
2. Don't worry about cutting the video professionally, adding music, or polishing it. I'm going to do the editing.
3. Please make sure both the lighting and the quality of your sound recording is the best you can get. Ideally, bright light and no buzzing/appliance sounds/music in the background. Any digital video format is fine.
4. Make it interesting and authentic--again, use the videos referenced for guidance--with yourself in various different places/angles/positions or looking like you're in the process of saying these things to an absent asexual someone.
5. Send your video to me and tell me what name you'd like to use in the credits!
And here are the ways you can get videos to me:
* E-mail me a link to your video recordings uploaded to DropBox or a similar file-sharing service (firstname.lastname@example.org, or leave me an LJ message)
* Upload it to YouTube with the settings on "limited" so you can share only with people who have the link, then send me the link
* Make your own public video and notify me that I have permission to use its footage
* Comment below and tell me how you're going to get it to me some other way
And feel free to just make your own if you don't wanna be in my collab but you like the idea. You just may get seen more on my channel unless you have a more popular one. I'll make the final choices on what gets into the video and I don't want it to be hideously long, so I'll pick and choose according to my own judgment, and I hope you guys are okay with that.
Since I also don't want it to take forever to coordinate and put together, I'll give you, eh, ten days to put yours together and get it to me. I'll accept links to vids up through Monday, January 23. (I'll be lenient, though, on the time; if you've got one coming but you can't quite make it, just comment and tell me.)
Am cross-posting this on Facebook and AVEN, but share in your own circles if you have folks who might be interested.
Under the cut are a bunch of suggestions, though you're by no means restricted to these. I will be recording some or nearly all of these myself, but if I like your delivery better I will use yours, so please record the ones you like. There are also a few under the cut that I never personally get because I'm not in the demographic they apply to, but you'll see what I mean.
For additional inspiration: Bingo 1 and Bingo 2. But mostly try to make them things well-meaning people say to you.
* That's SO awesome that you're saving yourself!
* I was asexual for a while. That time that I was really busy? Totally asexual.
* You're what? Don't insult yourself like that, you're totally sexy!
* I know you're asexual and stuff, but you've had sex, right? I mean, you must have. You're, like, 30 or something, right?
* I SO wish I was asexual. You must get SO MUCH DONE.
* I didn't know you were a nun.
* Wow, playing hard-to-get?
* I can't imagine being like that. But good for you!
* You're such a tease.
* It's fine with me if you want to take it slow.
* You say that now, but you'll fall in love someday.
* If you're happy with a houseful of cats, it's none of my business.
* Don't worry, you'll find someone!
* Heh, do what you want, but you're missing out.
* EVERY TIME I try to set you up with a guy, you throw your asexuality in my face!
* I'm not disrespecting you at all! I just want to make sure you're HAPPY!
* Can't you just get Viagra or something?
* Why is that too personal? I'm just CURIOUS.
* There's always counseling.
* I heard asexual was the new gay.
* Do you think I'm nasty for wanting sex?
* Don't take this wrong, but I think you're just introverted, not asexual.
* Then what do you DO all day?
* I'm just trying to help you.
* Is that, like, a diagnosis you got from a doctor?
* How can you say you're asexual? You have, like, the dirtiest mind of anyone I know.
* No offense, but why don't you just say "celibate"?
* You shouldn't write it off just because you tried it once and did it wrong.
* C'mon, there's someone for everyone!
* Sounds kinda close-minded if you ask me.
* I'm just saying, orgasms are AWESOME.
* You know if everyone was like you there'd be no more babies, right?
* Yeah, my boyfriend's been acting weird . . . last night he said he wanted to try a new position. OH WAIT never mind I don't want to gross you out, I'll stop talking about sex!
* How did you become asexual? I really want to get rid of my urges. . . .
* When did you decide you were asexual?
* Are you sure?
* Don't you think you'll regret that?
* Do you really need a label for all the sex you're not having?
* So which presidential candidate does the asexual community like?
* That's not a PERSONAL MEDICAL QUESTION at all! I just want to know if you've gotten your hormones checked! Sorr-REE!
* Asexual or not, why don't you just TRY IT?
* You should really wear less revealing clothes. You're, like, falsely advertising.
* Hahah, she TOTALLY needs to get laid! OH SORRY.
* I'm not trying to be the label police or anything, but asexuals CANNOT be queer.
* No, she wouldn't want to go to that movie, stupid. There's nudity in it. Have a little respect for her!
* Is this really something that needs awareness? Nobody's getting asexual-bashed.
* I admire your self-control so much!
* That's amazing. I bet you're more evolved than everyone else.
* You must be so spiritually enlightened!
* What? But you're sooooo cute!
* I have nothing against asexuals, but you guys should really find a more appropriate word.
* When you see Brad Pitt on the screen, you REALLY don't get horny? REALLY?
* What did you think of that movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin?
* You can't be asexual. I've SEEN the fanfic you write.
Lines I want to put in multiple times, said by multiple people different ways:
* Don't you masturbate? / But you do masturbate, right? / If you deal with it by beating off it's none of my business.
* But what about kids? / Don't you want kids? / We're here to reproduce!
Would love to have a non-white asexual do this one:
* I don't get why you don't worry about racism first. Isn't that a bigger problem for you?
Would love to have a guy asexual do these:
* I've heard of asexual girls, but guys HAVE to have sex, don't they?
* How can you not want to bone her?
Would love to have a non-cis asexual do this:
* Once you get the right genitals you'll want sex.
* If you're so confused about your gender, it makes sense that you'd be confused about sex.
Would love to have a teen asexual do these ones:
* Don't worry, you'll grow out of it.
* You kids and your phases.
* Did you get this idea from the Internet?
Would love to have an older asexual (ideally past 40) do this:
* That's not asexual, that's just normal for your age.
Would love to have a gay asexual do these:
* How can you be gay AND ace? That's a contradiction!
* I thought you gay people were supposed to be all about sex!
Would love to have a demisexual do these:
* How is that special if you only want sex sometimes? It's not like I want to bang everyone I see, and you don't see me calling myself demisexual.
* Isn't "demisexual" just a fancy way of saying you're picky?
Would love to see a romantic asexual do these:
* You know you're just in puppy love with your partner, right?
* If you guys get married, you know what your partner will expect, right?