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Yeah, sometimes the loneliness gets to me...
tvhead
the_vulture wrote in asexuality
Crossposted from my LJ:



a romantic asexual

"When are you going to get married?"
asked the unintentionally cruel aunt
like she does every time she visits
too occasionally to explain
the lonely sorrow that is being
a romantic asexual

"When are you going to get married?"
the answer is always an awkward mutter
those who truly know me never ask
it's an unvoiced understanding
they know about, but never speak of
a romantic asexual

"When are you going to get married?"
the words cut a savage reminder
of all the things I'll never have
a wife, kids, the love that comes with them
all lost to me, as no one wants
a romantic asexual

"When are you going to get married?"
a prison sentence pronounced as a question
invisible bars of loneliness between me
and the joy I see everyone else share
half a life of heartache, and half a life to go, as
a romantic asexual


I feel ya. Wait 'til they stop asking. That's a whole fresh hell.

Eh, even if the one aunt eventually stops asking, there'll be plenty of other reminders. Take Pre-Discount Chocolate Day, coming up next month, for example.

(Deleted comment)
A little less alone is always a good thing.

There's one Uncle who has asked me about boyfriends/prospective boyfriends/getting married. We have talked about the issue several times, all of these in family parties. From the first time I explained him that, from a very young age, I've always known I was not to marry and I was not to have children (I took care of my nephew since his birth until age 16, so there's no 'but you won't live the joys of motherhood!' from my family and friends whenever I say the last thing). I also told him I was not looking for a romantic attachment and didn't see myself looking for one anywhere in the future (I'm an aromantic asexual). And he said 'good, you'll be saving yourself a lot of trouble, sometimes it is not really worth the hassle'.

I was amused by his response, until about a month later one of his daughters divorced. Then another of his daughters left her husband; they are back, but they still have problems (they have two children). The first daughter eventually remarried; currently she is in the process of divorcing the second husband, as he treated her badly (they have two children). Then the oldest son and his wife had several miscarriages. Then the third daughter divorced (they have two children). Then the youngest son married at a very young age because his girlfriend was pregnant; and shortly after they had another baby; and shortly after they had a third baby. All of them returned to the parental home one time or another, and/or needed my Aunt and Uncle's help be it monetary or taking care of the grandchildren.

On the other hand, I admitted on not wanting boyfriend/marriage/children to the other side of my family once, and it was all 'wait until you meet The One'. It was about a decade ago, when all my cousins were toddlers at most. I wonder what my Aunts/Uncles would say now, when they have gone through their children experiencing teenage pregnancies, sudden marriage, marital fights, miscarriages and divorces ...

I don't get asked about marriage but even if I was I would just shrug it off and day "I dunno". My family doesn't know I'm asexual (except my sister because she's the only I trust enough to tell). I do want to get married someday (but NO children. Ever.) but being a romantic asexual I know the right type of guy will be unbearably hard to find. It's the most frustrating aspect of my life.

Usually, I'm optimistic about what the future holds, given how much asexual awareness is on the rise. Eventually, I'm going to find a compatible person who's actually near me. Still, sometimes it gets to me.

Awwww, yeah I get that lonliness too....fairly often. I've been working on it though. Trying to find things to fill up my time so that I am never really still enough to feel it fully. :) A toast to you, my friend, for writing about it and sharing.

Thank you. I think, in sharing, it helps to know one is not alone in one's challenges.

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