Entries by tag: questioning

sex and asexuality
I've been trying to diagnose myself for a while and offhand typed in 'asexual or nonsexual' to see if I could find a definition of the differences between the two, and this site was top of the list.

My query, which hopefully you can help me with, is; can I identify as asexual, even though I love sex?

I like porn, love reading pwp fanfic (mainly slash) and have special me-time a few times a week. However, I've never been sexually attracted to anyone. ever.

I'm not interested in meeting someone and can't imagine actually having sex with someone. Or spending my life with anyone, sex or no. I have a perfectly healthy sex drive (I think). I have no childhood drama, all my sisters are happily married with kids and I don't consider that there's anything wrong with me, I just don't think that guy from the movie Thor is sexy unless he's having sex with the guy from Captain America and even then I don't want to have sex with either of them.

I've always thought of myself as asexual, but these days that seems more synonymous with non-sexual, which I don't consider myself to be. Any help???

My local council - "Support for young people... who have a diverse gender and/or sexuality"
everything else is transport
So my local council produced this brochure called “Mountains of Help”. It's designed as a directory of the support services available to young people in my area. It covers subjects such as crisis help lines, counselling, disability services, mental health, drugs and alcohol, hospitals and community health centres, sexual health, government benefits, lawyers, accommodation, youth centres, employment, local libraries and TAFEs and Universities.

I was also interested to note that there was a page specifically pertaining to support for “Same sex attracted and gender questioning”. I've put a scan of the page below.

Read more...Collapse )

Really having a hard time with the idea...
I wish I was little where labels were easy and clear, or so I believed. I don't even know if this is the right place. If I'm even some type of asexual. Or maybe just broken. At the moment I identify as bisexual, that label came pretty easy for me. My friends and family know that I call myself that. They also know I'm turning 30 in Dec, never had sex and I'm no hurry to "fix-it". Problem is that the Sherlock fandom introduced me to the idea of asexuality in humans. I kinda shrugged it off at first, as in I accept it exists but not in myself. And then I saw this list on Tumblr "I know I'm asexual when..." and what shocked me more was that it was a fellow slash fan. I am hardcore slash fan, I'm full on fangirl about a lot of things. So I thought that mean I was bisexual since I found both males and females attractive. Until I saw that list and that person's blog. Over half that list were things I agreed with and just thought I was odd for. Or maybe even old fashioned. I am so confused that the only way I know to ask for help/advice is copy the things that apply to me and explain it.

Warning contains some sexual mentions...saw something about warning for thatCollapse )

As I said I'm confused. I thought maybe I was just repressed or old-fashioned but then I thought about all my fangirl slash behavior but then that doesn't really match-up with what I thought asexual was. I know it will all come down to what I decide. But any suggestions or thoughts on the above written ramblings would be welcomed. Thank you.


I suspect that I do not belong here in this community but I hope that you will be gracious enough to hear me out.

I do not identify as asexual and probably never will. However I have found myself in a peculiar circumstance of having romantic but asexual feelings towards another and see an asexual relationship in my furutre as a valid option. I am by no means saying I fancy this person but want to be celibate with them, I do have sexual feelings however I have no sexual feelings towards them but I am falling in love with them and would desire a romantic relationship (non sexual) with them.

All of this realisation came about due to me getting into a fandom with an asexual character and educating myself on asexuality which lead to some surprises for myself as I had not anticipated feeling that asexuality had anything to do with me. This started off a whole lot of ideas in my mind which I went on to explore the concepts in this post of general musings about asexuality. I would be facinated to hear your opinions on it.

May I also say that I do not aim to cause offence with anything that I say, I am very new to this community/concept and so do not know all the do's and don'ts, so have only been able to attempt to address the issue with the sensitivity and respect I would hope anyone approaching an emotive subject such as identity and sexuality would, any slip ups that I have made that you find offensive were not meant to be so and I profusley appologise for them. Please do point out any mistakes I make, education is the way forward and I cannot educate myself if people do not point out where it is I have gone wrong.

Love at first conversation
"Love at first conversation"-- is cited somewhere on the AVEN FAQ. I wonder if this phenomenon is more common amongst Asexuals.

Has it happened to you?

Jan Morris's Conundrum
rosnguil rosencrantz bath time
A few weeks ago, I read Jan Morris's 1974 memoir Conundrum, where she discusses her transition from male to female. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Morris, while she never uses the word asexual, appears to lean, on the spectrum of sexual to asexual, towards our side of things. I thought I'd share some passages from Conundrum where she discusses her ace-friendly view of sexuality.
Comrades, I wish you well, wherever you are, however the harsh world uses you! (144)Collapse )

Perhaps I am aromantic
I'm a person with a very, very vivid imagination. I guess you could say I never did quite outgrow the imaginary friends stage, but the upside is that I always have the people in my head to fall back on. This is especially useful during long trips, and I actually get annoyed with people who try to talk to me while I'm interacting with the friends in my head.

Part of this imaginary friends thing inevitably develops into imaginary relationships, and even imaginary sex. Then there are imaginary children and an imaginary perfect life.

For a while I was concerned that it was my preoccupation with this world inside my head that made me unable to have a real life relationship. Real life inevitably comes up short in comparison to the people inside my head, and when I realize that there's a conflict, I always choose the one in my head over the real person. Without regret. Or want. I've had RL/online friends tell me that this is unhealthy, that it's because my imaginary life is so perfect that I'd have no interest in a real life person/relationship. Yet the thought of abandoning them is unbearably painful, even though for a time I did try. Didn't last even a day. And I was really worried for a bit, and wondered if this was indeed a handicap.

I've gradually started to wonder if I will ever "outgrow" this. My worry was prior to realizing I was asexual, and now that I know, I'm starting to wonder if this means I might be aromantic as well. Until now I've labeled myself as biromantic, but I don't truly have that kind of interest in either gender, at last in real life (I have plenty of love for the characters in my head though). Every once in a while there will be a guy who'll turn my head (it's the abs, I'm a sucker for defined abs), but sex would never be a consideration. And the guys I've tried to date always make my heart jolt in the wrong way (it's a sharp jolt that sort of zings through me, and it's unpleasant), followed by a feeling of embarrassment, of knowing that I don't want to be seen with him, and the thought of people assuming we're a couple would make me angry.

Whatever anyone may think, the fact is that I am completely, utterly satisfied with this fantasy relationship/family/life inside my head. And I know that anything in real life would never match up, or at least, I can't imagine (lol irony) that it would. So perhaps I really don't care about it that much after all. I never did understand or care for romance in stories. Before it was because I thought the characters turned stupid after the love/romance/sex thing, but so many people like it, that I wonder if it's because I just don't understand it? Maybe I never did.

In the end though, the label shouldn't really matter so much, though a part of me feels that if I am aromantic, I can finally let a part of myself settle. If I'm definitely aromantic, I can finally just not have to worry about looking. Looking is extremely annoying.

ETA:Holy crap guys I love you all. I was totally regretting posting this and was waiting for the "You're insane!" backlash. Where have you guys been all my life?!


You know I've just come to realise something... having joined asexuality   YEARS BEFORE I joined [info]lesbian. 

I'm attracted to women sexually. But I've never needed to have sex with them to get out of the relationship what I'm looking for. I think the emotional side in a relationship is enough for me. Sure, if she's pushing - I give, but I never really seek.

Thing is I don't mind sex if my partner wants it anymore - always used to squick me in the past - but now though, it's fine...

I wonder - just out of interest - if the "asexual" term still applies in this case? From your POV obv :P 

Questions, questions
thumbs_up, knit, dakek

I'm b_scholes, I'm female, 26 and I'm pretty sure I'm asexual.  Well perhaps 80%.  I have a couple of questions about my life which I wonder if anyone else here has experienced:

He looks hotCollapse )

One for the ladiesCollapse )

Please help me?
six gun
I've been having some difficulties, lately, with gender identity. It's not something I'm really comfortable discussing with anyone, as I've yet to actually talk to someone who understands, and I don't know where to find someone like that. However, I need to talk this out, and would like some opinions.

I know that people always say, "You don't need labels." Well, if anyone actually knows me, they know that I love my label machine with a fierce passion. I like labels, not because they necessarily make things simpler, but because at least then I know that I know myself. I'm a navel-gazer, I suppose you could say.

The problem, here, is that I have known for about 7 years that I should not be a girl. I hate everything that is feminine about me. I hate my boobs, my uterus, my hips, everything. My dad says that I hate my body because my low self-esteem makes me feel like I don't "deserve" such a good body. (And it is good, I can accept that. I'm not toned, but I'm not flabby. I have a nice figure.) But my body just feels wrong. It doesn't feel like it's mine. I don't know how else to explain it, and no one I've said that to has understood. Ever since I was little I've felt like a brain inside a body. The brain was me, the body was just a vessel, and the vessel feels wrong.

So, for about three years now (before I came across the term) I labeled myself as gender queer. A two-spirit, if you will. I am a biromantic asexual. But really, I'm more of a homoromantic asexual, as when I feel feminine I am attracted to women and when I feel masculine I am attracted to men. I rarely feel feminine. I mean, if I were to ever enter a romantic relationship, it would be with a woman, simply because I am much more comfortable with them, but there's a problem with that: I think I might be a gay man.

I am really only ever attracted to gay men. I have about three sex dreams a year (have since I was eleven) and every time I have one I am a male (the one being "penetrated" if you will). I point out the age that these dreams started because it is about three years before I started reading slash fan fiction, which may contribute to my sex dreams, I admit. I have never had a single dream where I am a female (or even a male with a female).

A friend recommended I get a fake flaccid penis and stuff my pants. I dunno, though, I think that would make me feel even more awkward.

So I know that I am asexual. But now I want to know: am I asexual because A) I just am B) I'm really in the wrong body or C) because I was on medication through a large part of my sexual development. All of these are viable options, and I don't really care that I'm asexual, except for the fact that I fear I will always be alone.

I don't know. I mean, even if I were to ascribe to the label of a gay man in a woman's body, I wouldn't get any corrective surgery (penis growing, I mean, definitely breast reduction (if not mastectomy) and hysterectomy) because living as a transgender is just...not feasible. I would never get a job, or if I did, I doubt I'd have clients. The world just isn't accepting of it yet. So I don't know. This is just eating me up inside and I feel like I'm going crazy. I hate showering because I hate looking at my body. I hate shopping for clothes because everything in the girl's section is just wrong and stuff in the boy's section doesn't fit right. I just need someone to talk to about this, but I don't know if there would be someone who specialized in gender dysphoria down where I live.

I just don't know. What do you guys think?

Edited: Sorry, this was cross-posted to my journal with some minor differences. Forgot to change something.

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