Nat (36) wrote in asexuality,
Nat
36
asexuality

Lifestyle sexuality

The existance of the asexuals community, which from the description is clearly about celibacy, leads me to bring up something I've thought about before. Sexuality as 'lifestyle', not as who you're attracted to.

Many people identifying as gay or lesbian actually have a bisexual sexuality (I'm thinking of specific examples from personal experience here). If you are attracted to same sex and different sex people but only choose to have relationships with one of the other then your gay or straight sexuality is a 'lifestyle sexuality' by my definition.

Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely not saying that it has any more or less value than a 'sex drive driven sexuality', it's just different and interesting. I'm completely against elitism or resentments towards other groups and I'm aware that this could be a devisive issue. Also all language naturally evolves with time and use so I'm not going to claim the other group is 'wrong'.

As an asexual I myself have a lifestyle sexuality. I identify as queer and bisexual but many bisexuals would define 'sexual attraction to people regardless of gender' as the requirement and obviously I don't have that.

But back to my original point, with 'lifestyle sexualities' you have celibate people identifying as asexual because they have an 'asexual lifestyle'. It's a valid self definition and I'm certainly not going to stop them from identifying as such (as if I could) but perhaps it's useful to have some terminology to distinguish between asexuals and 'lifestyle asexuals'.

I don't want to place more value on my kind of asexuality by leaving it as the default. So how about this: I'll refer to celibate people as lifestyle asexuals and asexual people as classic asexuals (or perhaps classical asexuals?).

If I just say 'asexual' and I'm writing in this community you can assume I'm talking about classic asexuals.
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